**Editor's note: This is a short story I wrote for my wedding website. It's a chronological tale of my relationship with Haley Oleynik. It's included here for two reasons.
- First, it's a good writing sample - one of the only pieces where I had total carte blanche and used 100% my voice.
- Second, it's an important part of me and here at nickwar.com, that's what we're all about!
In October 2011, Haley and Nick met for the first time at Colby College in Waterville, Maine. Nick was a second year student, Haley a first year. Each of us had admired the other for a few weeks from afar, each with plots to serendipitously intersect with the other - none had come to fruition in the first weeks of the year.... Until now.
As the great Roman poet Virgil once said, "Fortune sides with him who dares". Nick and Associates threw a party on one Saturday night. Carried by the warm winds of destiny, vivaciousness, and boxed wine, Haley and Associates made an appearance. Pulled towards each other by intangible forces and a lack of open space, we danced together for the first time on that Saturday night. We had no idea this seed would grow over the next 12 years into the sapling (a nice sapling) our relationship is today. What we did know is we wanted to see a lot more of this person and something about the other seemed to fit comfortably with ourselves. Neither of us is one to let desires idle, so we followed it. And a few months later, we were officially 'together'.
The more we uncovered together, the more we liked. The more time we spent with each other, the less relevant other parts of our lives became. Slowly and steadily, we took steps toward building a longer term partnership. We met each other's families, visited hometowns, changed our social lives to see more of the other. And as Nick's graduation approached, we started planning for our lives after college.
In the spring of 2014, Nick left Colby and set out on a series of adventures, culminating in a very non-adventures desk job with a dress code at Target in Minneapolis (where he grew up). In her final year of school, Haley visited Nick when she could. She travelled to a remote ranch in Montana and Minnesota in January to spend time with him. Living different lives, across the continent from each other, we started to realize the other was here for the long term and would change our life, in a profound way. As Haley's graduation crawled closer, we clambered to find a suitable mutual location. One where she could pursue her passion for fisheries and his zest for commerce. He offered to quit his job and move east, she offered to move to landlocked Minnesota. In the final hours, a door opened. Nick was offered a job in Seattle at Amazon. We saddled the horses and set out west, in search of gold and glory.
We were 23 and 22, across the country from the familiar, in a new city without social connections, faced with the daunting task of building a life and divvying up apartment chores fairly. Finding our way in Seattle is a cherished memory and served as evidence to ourselves that we want to, can, and will succeed in our partnership. We spent 2015-2018 in Seattle, developing an unrelenting love of the PNW, nurturing our fledgling careers and budding partnership. In these years, we came into our own, as individuals and partners. When she returned from 2 month stints in the Bering Sea, he was there. When he suffered a traumatic brain injury and drank bubble teas for 2 months, she was there. When the next chapter came, the decision to move back across the continent was somehow already made. The question was no longer if, it was when and how.
In the summer of 2018, we again traversed the continent. Haley started a masters program at the University of Delaware. Nick started a job at Amazon Web Services in Washington, D.C. (well, actually in suburban Virginia, but DC sounds better). 5 hours apart, in new places and environments, under suffocating humidity, our partnership persevered. Navigating late nights on the road and escalating professional demands, we stole time with each other whenever we could. And we longed for the time when we would again be quibbling over apartment chores. In Haley's final year in the program, 2020, (the) COVID came onto the scene. Haley joined Nick in Northern VA to weather the storm, and then....
Haley received an offer from the University of British Columbia (UBC) to pursue a PHD in fisheries science, in Vancouver, BC - our next destination. COVID based movement restrictions kept us stateside and out of a Canadian government facility (seriously, check this out). While we watched twitter for the latest and greatest public health policy announcements, Haley accepted a research fellow position with NOAA and Nick traded intrapreneurship at 'the zon' for entrepreneurial pastures at an Edtech startup called SAM Labs. In limbo and on the run, we left our belongings in Virginia at Oleynik & Oleynik storage solutions and hopped in the car. We drove around the US, going as for north as Maine and as far west as Minnesota. After almost a year, family and friends had enough. We retreated back to a place we knew we'd love, Portland ME.
For a year in 2021, we lived the Down East dream. Working remotely (telecommuting!), bathing in the unforgiving waters of Casco Bay, reuniting with other Colby COVID refugees, and learning that with GPS technology - you can get there from here on the Maine coast. In this year, we had the fortune of attending 7 weddings. And after a number of Dark and Stormy's, a series of backgammon games, and a coin flip with a golf club - we decided to get married ourselves. We had each known for several years this was our likely path. After taking home the award for "Most Likely Couple to Get Married Next" 4 years in a row, it was time to finish our drinks, tuck in our shirts, and hit the dancefloor. Marriage never seemed that important to either of us. The partnership and friendship we'd incubated was what mattered to us, not outward declarations of intent. As the final reasons to prolong dissipated one by one, like leaves on a crisp late autumn day in New England, it finally hit us. Getting married is important to us, it's a significant step, and maybe we do care about the outward display it produces. Let the record show we said maybe.
In November 2021, we departed Portland with our eyes set on Vancouver. We collected our stuff from Virginia and headed to Minneapolis to weather the winter storms. Multiple pairs of long underpants, glove liners, adventurous spirits, and positive attitudes - weather them we did. Filled with Pfeffernüsse, egg nog, Christmas cheer, and having garnered a new, much lower, temperature baseline, we left in a puff of smoke (can't bring that stuff across the border ya know). We arrived in Montana (God's Country) in February 2022 for a pit stop. Joined by members of the Warner and Oleynik clans, we skied, we drank, we ordered mattresses, we took COVID tests, and we took those lovely pictures at the top of this page. The winds of freedom filled our sails for a final time and the journey continued. Next stop, the border and our new status as personas non grata.
The day we arrived at the border was a quintessential PNW winter day. The sky a bright gray, the air soft and quiet, and the polite drip....drip....drip of a faucet 99% closed. We emerged from serene northern Washington into a dystopian landscape at Canada's version of the San Ysidro Land Port of Entry, named (perhaps ironically) Peace Arch. Our field of vision was abruptly consumed by flashing lights, lines of cars, and government stooges. As the curious, law abiding citizens we are, we rolled down the window to inquire. Agents of the state #54232 and #9761 thought we were the dumbest people they'd ever met - "do you watch the news?". The Canadian Trucker Protest had reached the west coast. Begrudgingly, they told us where to go. We quickly took down our pirate flag banner, hoisted the white flag of surrender, and puttered along to wait in a different line. After the 'algorithm' checked our entry forms, we were told to confine the wild beast (Belly) to our car and come inside, with papers out and dignity put aside.
Growing up, both of our dads were lawyers - Bradley Warner, Esq. and Ronald Oleynik, Esq. So, after 36 years of childhood, 1,746 tangential legal lectures, 3,102 hours of learning through osmosis - we consider ourselves learned in legal matters. Some might say, we'd been preparing our entire lives to compile legal paperwork and evidence. In fact, by the time we finished at the Border, people were indeed saying that.
When our number was called, we dropped the Hiroshima bomb of Common Law Partnership paperwork on the window desk. We had everything. Immigration forms, in triplicate. Manila folders. Heavy paper. Paper clips. Big staples. An encyclopedia of evidence. Government forms from the past. Licenses. A pile of cash to 'pay the fees'. A small booklet of COVID tests. Folders with labels. The whole kit and caboodle. "Did anyone help you with this?" We quickly answered with "No!". We feared a trick question. It turns out, Agent #11920 was impressed with our diligence and preparation. "You could do this as consultation, this is the best I've seen". Stamps were administered, papers paid for. Finally, we were allowed to enter, live, and work (glory to Canada, god save the queen).
Skipping forward a few steps...
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